Violation through Blog.

Blog can actually violates us. Or maybe just me. This is what happened.

I kept a personal blog for me to vent my frustration and anger. Its really personal, because only ONE person knew about the blog. Everything I wrote there is just meant to be shared with him. This person is my ex-bf.

I don't hate him. We are still close friend. We broke up because we were having some issues (and stubbornness on both end doesn't get us anywhere...) within us, and at the same time, one-young-big-breast-bitch (sorry for my language, but I just felt that's what I will call her) throws herself to him. She was all over him etc. I am not going to make excuse for my ex, but which man can refuse a girl like this?

But girls, no worries. Relationship are not build on just look. If your man falls for you just because of that, its dangerous. Which I thinks thats what draws him to her. Her lustness and sluttyness turns him on. He didn't get that from me or his ex.... so, something new to explore.

We are still friends till now, because our relationship was build on a more concrete ground. No doubt, I am attractive. And that's what attracts him to me. But, after that, we build it on more solid ground.

Just to diversify a bit... After I broke up with him and was bitching about my heartache and also that this bitch is hot, big breast etc... to a friend, and he told me one thing that makes me realized that I deserves more.

"She only have looks and figure. You are a woman with substance. You should be glad that you have that, because substance is the only thing that left as years goes by".

Back to the violation story.... He told me that she read my blog. I thought its just this blog. Then he said, no.... its 'our-personal-blog' that she read. I WAS SO PISSED! What the fuck wrong with this person? How can she read about my blog etc? Its a VIOLATION! DAMMMMMMMMM!!!

Then, when I calmed down, I remembered something. There is no way anybody can find that blog. Its not under my name or initial in anyway.... So I tried google. No matter what words I google, even the same words used as the blog address, you will never find it.

Then I told him, how can you give her the blog address.

I told him, there is no way you can find the blog through google. The only way is either he gave her the blog addres or she checks his mobile.

Then I realized.... SHE BEEN CHECKING ON HIM. She must had checked his mobile and write down the blog address.

How can you be with the person whom you don't trust? And how can you be with the person whom don't trust you?

I trusted him throughout our relationship, till the moment I found out about he cheated on me.

I told him, he need to gain his trust if he wants me to trust him back, even as a friend. And I know he is trying very hard to gain that back now. Try harder buddy....

It takes TWO to make relationship works, and take ONE to fail it.

There is no such things as Love at first sight. Well, at least not in my dictionary.

I believes in understanding a person and know him well enough, then let the love grows.

That goes the same to guys too. Especially guys.. or rather I would say, matured guy.

Most matured guys (those in the mid 30s) I met don't believes that you can just fall in love with someone so easily. Hello, being practical, that's true.

So, please don't expect a mid 30s guy will just fall in love and want to spend the rest of his life with you, just because he enjoyed spending time and probably love f***ing you. Don't think he loves you unless he says it to you.

Looking back, I realized, only when we were younger, we believes in falling in love.., so easily. I guess Love is 'easy' during that time.

At this age, we understands that Love comes with commitments etc etc.....

Previously, Love is just words...

Now, I heard a lot of... 'I likes you. I likes spending time with you. Let's hang out more...'

I actually agrees to this thinking. I think its more realistic.

The other new words I learned is 'Non-Exclusive'. Well, of coz I used this words a lot in my business, but in personal life... hmmm... something new. But, I don't take it as a shock or surprise. I am fine with it.

I guess, with maturity, we becomes more realistic.

One scary realistic that I learned throughout the years is... 80% of married men are not loyal, in their own way. They might not be involved in full-fledge affairs or anything of that sort... but I think they did things that they are not supposed to in certain ways. I am skeptical that I will get a husband whom fall in the 20% category....

I don't feel pathetic or pity or anything to be thrown the truth of this matter. It makes me knows how to manage expectation and ask myself on what I really wants and what I can accepts.

Relationship is work. Marriage is work. If both are unable to commit to make it 'work'... its going to be very tough time ahead.

So all my friends... just remembers, 'it takes TWO to make relationship works...'