Anyway, saw this in Cleo, Feb 2011's Edition, and think it might benefits lots of us. Since I have lots of time in hand, I decided to share part of the article here. (I need to type it, Okay..)
"Regret, by definition, is sadness associated with an error or disappointment. It's a process in which we spin out the various alternate endings a situation could'vbe had : What if I'd moved to the big city? What if I'd done a different degree? What if I'd been a better girlfriend/daughter/friend? What if I hadn't ordered the prawns?
At best, regret is a constructive tool that gives us a sting when we've messed up, ensuring that we learn our lesson and don't repeat the same mistakes.
At worst, regret becomes and endless, torturous game of "what if?". Personified, it'd be like a childhood bully grabbing your hand and slapping you with it, all the while asking, "Why are you hitting yourself? Why are you hitting yourself?".
Clearly, the lesson learnt is preferable to the self-flagellation. But unfortunately, many women fixate on their perceived failings, mentally slapping themselves into a crippling state of negativity.
According to psychologist Jacqui Manning (www.mindadvantage.com.au), the most common things young women regret are losing friends, not getting out of toxic friendship or relationship earlier, break-ups, missing out on career opportunities, and taking on stressful jobs.
"Everyone has regrets," says Manning. "But does everyone dwell on them 100 percent of the time? No. That's where resilience comes in. Some people are naturally strong-minded and bounce back from anything, and some need help to learn how to do that."
Dealing with disappointment and regret is like coming to a fork in the road - one way leads downwards to rumination and guilt; the other way leads upwards to a better version of yourself.
How to deal with regret
- Write down your regrets. This clarifies them in your mind.
- Examine them. Understand the reasons behind your decisions.
- Change your toxic thought patterns. For example, replace "I didn't take that job and now my life's ruined" with "I did the best that I could with the resources I had at the time."
- Grieve losses that you have suffered. Acknowledge that you feel sad or angry about the situation.
- Make amends. Apologize for something you've done.
- Identify lessons. Make sure you learn from regretful experiences - mistakes are fine, as long as they are new ones.
- Develop compassion. Understand other people's point of view and empathize. Have compassion for yourself too.
- Forgive others. This frees you from anger and pain.
- Forgive yourself. Stop condemning yourself. NY satirist/writer John Devore says, "In order to truly love yourself, you have to be capable of forgiving yourself for being a human tornado of emotions, fears, and appetite."
- Live free of regret. Accept what has already happened, learn your lesson, and move on."
Just remember, everything happens for a reason. There is no point harping on the past, as there is nothing we can do to change what happened. Instead, why don't we focus on what we can do to improve the future?
Okay, fine, I know. Easier say than done. But, let's try, shall we?
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